We can grasp but will most likely never get help. Remember you chose this relationship for a reason. Fix yourself and stop being distracted by your body partner. They cannot love themselves right now or maybe ever so YOU are a fool if you think they’ll ever let you love them. It’s their worst fear/most desirable need but that’s the tragedy of this disorder.
DID can alters have relationships?
Lastly, make sure you and your partner prioritize self-care and build a strong support system. This includes finding healthy ways to manage stress, get enough rest and exercise, https://www.loveconnectionreviews.com/ and talk to friends and family who will support and understand. Acknowledging and validating the other person’s experience can help the relationship to grow and succeed.
October 2009: Taylor Swift talks about Taylor Lautner on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Although we’ve been close and our systems have bonded so tightly, we’ve run into a problem. This alter not only ignores my system, but has formed a romantic relationship with someone outside of my system, without ever asking permission. He only asked after he had entered said relationship, and I felt forced to say yes. Its been a few weeks now and we’ve already almost broken up twice.
I sometimes, if I can, I tell my husband, before that part comes out, that I need to think about something more before we talk about it anymore because I need to work things out internally. Sometimes we have to repeat this process numerous times to get things resolved, but I think he appreciates this approach because my angry part is not being so disrespectful to him. He gets to be heard and so does the angry part.
So again, thank you for dropping your thoughts. Your offering of empathy and support could very well save a life. I really liked reading your side of the story.
Also, keep in mind that if somebody is experiencing drastic shifts in their personality state or moods, you’re not going to change that no matter how much you tell them to stop doing it. You have to figure out how to sit with it and be supportive while also maintaining your own boundaries. Lifestyle changes usually involve eating a healthy diet, regular exercise, and abstaining from drugs and alcohol. You can encourage adherence to these lifestyle changes by adopting them yourself, at least while you are with the person being treated. Show the person you care and want to support them by joining an advocacy group.
I have not heard a single word from her during the past 6 months – not even for my birthday. Additionally, depending on the system, the different alters may be able to interact with the individual’s romantic partner and feelings can develop from this. It is important to remember that all alters are individuals in their own right, with their own wants and needs, so it should not be assumed that all alters would feel the same way about an individual romantic partner.
But, then I think, “well if Victoria came out, you must have done something to make her mad.” She does not come out just to make his life miserable. And, she does not always come out just because she is triggered by something in the past. Sometimes there are things going on in the here and now that make her rightfully angry. For example, if your partner didn’t get to play very much as a child, find a whole series of fun things to do.
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That is not the issue however, the issue comes in my anxiety. I don’t know if I could have a life with them if they for any reason develop an alter that either doesn’t see me romantically, sees someone else romantically as well, or hates me outright. Present in most systems, this is an alter that will try to destroy the system, usually by killing the body.
It’s not the same as a break up in a healthy relationship. What I’ve really found helpful is everyone’s stories. Thank you to everyone who shares their experiences in these difficult relationships. Firstly, thank you so much for this post. I was engaged to a woman who I now believe to have had DID.
He would become aggravated over any daily conflict that people can normally encounter, then turn on himself in a fit of rage rather than work with me to relieve conflicts encountered. I always blamed myself for his extreme anger toward himself, thinking I was the one who wasn’t helping to deal with our conflicts. But, I honestly believe it’s his deeper rooted anxiety issues. Now, I’m having greatest difficulty accepting his sudden abandonment. It’s really put me into an emotional tailspin, and I have absolutely no family near me.
But the alters do acknowledge Fernanda as the host. And they all do care deeply about her well-being. They see how accepting and loving I am so they have all grown fond of me, as I to them. The relationship is still new but I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t asking for something that didn’t exist. I think it’s also important for partners/spouses to take care of themselves and their needs, it’s unhealthy if everything in their life or relationship revolves around the needs of the person with DID. As h said – sometimes there can be a fear of saying “no” to someone.
Sit there for a long while, and really and truly enjoy your person. Sudden or unexpected touch will likely be terrifying, triggering, and could set off a series of flashbacks, bad memories, or nightmares. It is particularly important to let your partner be very aware before there is any touch — even the good stuff.
So it’s a matter of, how do you sit with it and be supportive, while also maintaining your own boundaries, and not feeling like you need to get caught up in whatever is going on for another person. And oftentimes, the best way to be supportive for somebody is to ask them individually, how they need to be supported. Although it can be difficult to shorten a dissociative episode, one form of treatment is to intervene immediately following a traumatic event.
